You gotta start somewhere...

So here goes...

Hello friends/relatives/unfortunate strangers! Welcome to what I'm sure will become either a source of refuge, insult, annoyance or general disinterest for you in the coming weeks/months/years! Allow me to introduce myself: I am J. I spend far too much time and energy writing about reality television, sports, politics, religion, society, celebrity trash and general annoyances than any healthy person should. But hey, everyone needs an outlet, right?

Now, normally my modus operandi is to type everything down in a Word document, include a few weblinks and/or pictures, and force it into the inboxes of several people who have been "fortunate" enough to have been added to my distribution list over the years. Five or six of these people may or may not remember when the only thing I wrote about was 90210 (I am pathetic, I admit it) and they were the only ones who read it. But we all watched it, we all thought it was unintentionally funny, and we all loved to ponder what would happen next in the lives of those fictional high school/college/post-graduate folks played by people who in real life were at least 10 years their senior.

Oh how far I've come since then! Being a TV Casualty all my life, I naturally branched out to bigger and better things: Temptation Island, Chains of Love, Elimidate, all that bullshit. But somehow the antics of the oversexed apes who appeared on these shows continued to fuel my writings - here I was watching utterly despicable people act in an utterly despicable fashion, which caused something to boil inside me, something unnatural and wholly foreign to me: pure unadulterated hatred. Thus, a theme developed: stupid young people with overactive libidos would make asses of themselves on national TV, I would watch them, I would become angered, I would express my anger in writing, and lo and behold, people actually liked it! Soon, my radical political views and violent sports fandom were brought into the fold, and a legend (in his own mind) was born.

Now, not everyone likes what I write of course. I've had plenty of people tell me that they don't get it, what the hell are you talking about, please take me off of your list, seek help you shut-in, and so on. But as some douchebag on Cheaters likely said at some point: "Don't hate the playa, hate the game."

Yes, we are all filled with hate, whether we like to admit it or not. Everyone has something or someone that drives them to the point of insanity, that makes them wish gonherrea upon everyone that crosses their path, that makes them want to kill a man with their bare hands. Hell, it's human nature, has been since Cain smote Abel; it's just that some people are better at refraining themselves than others. Thus, I choose for this to be an outlet rather than something so unhealthy as murder.

What do I hate, you ask? What drives me so mad that I need to waste time writing about it? Well, for starters: MTV and everything it has to offer, Maroon 5, Bill Wirtz, the word 'bling', bling, THE Ohio State University (you caught me on a bad day - enjoy watching the tournament from home, rockheads), John Ashcroft AND Alberto Gonzalez, FHM/Maxim/Stuff and any other magazine of the same ilk, lines outside of bars, bars with lines outside of them, pigeons, tequila, olives, The Detroit Red Wings, the Hollywood mentality, the Dollywood mentality, coconut flavored anything, pretty much anyone who participates in a reality TV show (in case you haven't figured it out yet), Colin Farrell, Dick Cheney, the Olsen Twins, the fact that many young girls thing the Olsen Twins are the ideal of what is attractive, the Moral Majority, vegetarian lasagna, bandwagon Cub fans, the band Bowling for Soup, child porn, assholes, just to name a few.

Will you be offended reading what I have to offer? At some point, more than likely. Will you find it humorous? I sure as hell hope so. Am I way too self-important for my own good? Goddamned right I am. Will there be more to come? Stay tuned and see.

Until next time...