Erin Go...BLAAAGH

Ah begora! Top o’ the mornin’ to ya! Corned beef, Blarney Stone, U2, potato famine, green beer, paddy wagon, Thin Lizzy, boiled potato, leprechaun, and whiskey to you all as well! It’s St. “Paddy’s” day, as I’ve heard so many people refer to it today. Wear green! Go to a bar at 10:00 AM! Disgrace the heritage of Irish everywhere! ‘Tis the day for it, me lad!

Those who know me should understand where I’m coming from. In my younger, angrier days (yes, hard as it may seem to believe, I was once angrier about this holiday), I would denounce anything and everything Irish. I never why this day made me so angry – after all, given the number of Irish that emigrated to the U.S. between 1840 and 1880, there is a damn good chance that many people born and raised anywhere near a major metropolitan area had some Irish in their background, giving them some semblance of a right to celebrate. Even I, Mr. Seemingly Anti-Irish, can claim an Irish heritage. That’s right – a full 1/16th of my background can be traced back to the Emerald Isle – that’s 9 lbs. and 1 oz. of whiskey swilling, riot inciting, jail breaking good times packed inside this frame. Again, in those lost younger days of mine, I would make ridiculous claims that I bled out all of my Irish blood as a child, seeing fit to denounce a part of my heritage, albeit a small one.

Not anymore. As I continue my inevitable march towards senility, I feel like I am finally starting to wipe away some of the clouds that have hovered around my judgment and am beginning to see things as they are. My Irish heritage (miniscule as it may be) is something to be proud of. I should consider that the Ellis family, who emigrated to Chicago’s south side during the 1850’s or thereabouts and opened…ahem…a tavern and lived on land that was later donated to the City when the area around it was annexed and renamed Ellis Park, are a part of who I am and not something to be ashamed of. I have many, many friends who can claim much more of a link to Ireland that I can – the O’Hallorans, O’Connells, Brennans, Buckleys, Sloans, etc, of the world – these are good people who come from good families. So why did I ever feel the need to be a prick about the whole Irish thing???

Well, now that I’ve swept some of those clouds away, I can plainly see why – St. “Paddy’s” day has been hijacked. I’ve harped on it time and time again – in Ireland St. Patrick’s Day is a holy day, much like Super Bowl Sunday is here (except they will actually go to church). Yet all you ever hear about when people discuss St. Patrick’s Day in the U.S. is “when are you going out?” and “how drunk do you plan on getting?” Ugh. Now, please do not confuse this rant with a condemnation of drunkenness – I have been drunk many times before, and I plan to be so many times again; let the good times roll! – it’s more the stigma that’s put around it, like you’re expected to be soused, lit, pissed up, shitfaced, and the like. Either you’re with us or against us.

Case in point: I was riding on the elevator at my day job today and was asked, “Where are you going to drink tonight?” When I stated that I had no plans to go out, another person reacted as if I had used a whiskey bottle to beat a pregnant Irish woman wearing a Notre Dame sweatshirt. Yes, that’s right – I am not going out drinking tonight. Why is that an issue? Why would I want to go to an Irish pub with a bunch of wannabe Irish people and drink horrible beer (i.e. Miller Light) that’s made to taste worse thanks to the green food coloring that’s been added?? Where’s the allure? I had this thought running through my head as I walked by the plant and balloon decorative display in my building’s lobby, which had one balloon featuring three leprechaun men drinking mugs of beer looking like they were about 10 minutes away from lying in a pool of their own sick. On this jaunt, I also spotted several folks wearing green of all shads, with a few individuals wearing buttons touting the green beer that is so prevalent on this day. To me, this basically sends the message “Either you’re drunk or lame on good ol’ St. Paddy’s Day!” Hogwash!

My guess is that none of these people are aware of the prejudices the Irish endured in the latter part of the 19th Century. They know nothing of the “Irish Need Not Apply” signs, the lazy/troublesome/anarchist stereotypes, and the simian-like portrayals of their “race” in editorial cartoons in newspapers across the country. My second guess is that they never will, and the proud tradition of treating this day as a grand excuse to act like a drunken fool will perpetuate, much to the chagrin of true Irish folk everywhere.

So since this is the case, let me propose a toast to…the Irish! May they enjoy their blessed day of inebriation! The lousy micks.