Debunking the Myths of the World Champion White Sox

This smile on my face just won’t go away.

It’s been there since approximately 11:05 PM CDT, Wednesday October 26, 2005. This also happens to be the moment that Juan Uribe charged hard to field a high bouncer and fired it into the glove of likely-to-be-former-Sox First Basemen Paul Konerko, giving my beloved White Sox their first World Championship since the days that predate all four of my grandparents (the three who are no longer with us can lay claim to being Sox fans as well). My birthday - November 26. Bears Super Bowl - January 26. White Sox World Series - October 26. What a number.

Yes, I said “World” Championship – apparently former Major League manager Bobby Valentine is saying that it’s “arrogant” for the Sox to call themselves World Champs unless they play the Japanese Champs, the ones he coincidentally manages, in a seven game series. I’m sure he would have felt the exact same way had his Mets beaten the Yankees in 2000, but I guess that’s beside the point. Domo, but no domo, Bobby – we’ll take our title as is.

As hard as it may seem to believe, the Sox (the ONLY Sox in my heart) have won the World Series. Hell, it’s amazing enough that a team from the Greatest City in the World has won a pennant, making this all the more special. I have been trying mightily to reconcile the events of the last few weeks in my mind, to realize that this is indeed real and not part of some Lost Semester flashback episode. It’s real, and it feels fucking glorious.

As the World Series is baseball’s biggest stage, arguably only second in overall sports popularity in this country to the Super Bowl, there has naturally been a lot of attention placed on my White Sox. Surprisingly enough, the National Media has finally acknowledged that there is a team here in Chicago that participates in baseball’s American League, and they’ll be darned if they can’t play the game! Actually, the National Media already discovered the Sox when they were eager to put their spin on what surely would be the most brutal collapse in sports history – they were hoping for it, begging for it, loving every minute of it. But sadly for those vultures, the pesky Sox decided to go 20-3 in their last 23 games, sticking those hopes and wishes firmly back up the National Media’s collective ass.

As the spotlight has been shined upon this beautiful franchise in which I’ve committed an inordinate amount of love and loyalty lo these 31 years, and as it has taken so long to discover what so many wonderfully dedicated fans already know, the media naturally made a few missteps in the way they reported the goings-on of these Champions. For the benefit of my nine readers, I would like to take this opportunity to debunk some myths that surround the White Sox, their fans, and the developments of the last season.

Myth: The Sox rid themselves of the Curse of the Black Sox when they won the Series.

Fact: We’ve said it before, and we will say it again: White Sox fans do not believe in curses. We never have been, are not, and never will be cursed, unless by cursed you mean victims of poor decisions surrounding the management and marketing of the franchise. Shoeless Joe Jackson was not responsible for this 88-year stretch of misery. Blame it on poor personnel decisions, the Sox being pulled off of WGN in favor of a pay-TV network that many people in the area didn’t have access to, running into teams who were better than they were or at the wrong time, etc. But don’t lean on the excuse of a bunch of uneducated ballplayers who were being horribly lowballed pay-wise by their stingy owner and were lured to the promise of riches and security for their families by a shady gambling element. I’m not trying to defend the Black Sox either, but let’s keep it in perspective – 1919 was a fucked up time in America and Chicago – Women couldn’t vote, we were on the verge of making liquor illegal (smart move there), child labor was still out of control, the city had a burgeoning vice district that alderman not only permitted but profited from, and a violent race riot raged through the city leaving 38 dead and 291 maimed or wounded. My point? Let’s not place too much stock in what folks were up to in 1919 when talking about a baseball team.

Myth: Sox fans care that this was the lowest rated World Series in history.

Fact: Has anyone hyping these stories ever actually met a Sox fan? If so, they would realize that nobody who likes the Sox gives a fiddler’s flying fuck about what anyone else in the city, let alone the nation, thinks about their team, nor how close of attention they are paying. New York and Boston aren’t watching? Couldn’t care less about them or their overpaid, underachieving ilk. L.A.’s not interested? Chicago had baseball when L.A. was a barren hellhole (as opposed to its current state as a densely populated hellhole). The fact is that it’s quite probable that 75% of fans residing on the city’s South Side have never even been outside of Cook County, or even north of Madison St, so I doubt they’re placing any stock in what anyone else across the country thinks. This, of course, brings us to our next myth…

Myth: All Sox fans live on the South Side of Chicago.

Fact: This, of course, is complete bunk. There are Sox fans everywhere – South Side, North Side, West Side, Suburbs, Indiana, Texas, California, etc. Now don’t get me wrong – I understand the concept of placing everything into perspective for the people around the country (who apparently weren’t watching anyway). It is true that the majority of Chicagoans who live on the South Side are Sox fans. However, the opposite is far from true. I grew up in the suburbs and live on the North Side, yet I am 100% a Sox fan. It is true that the root of most Sox fandom traces itself back to where the family’s ancestor’s lived. Yet the exact same can be said for the Cubs and the North Side. What the national media fails to realize is that even though Cubs fans may outnumber Sox fans, the argument can be made that this is more attributable to deft marketing, national television exposure and a pretty darn nice beer garden, er, ballpark than true-blue fan loyalty. Don’t get me wrong – true Cubs fans are as violently passionate about their club as Sox fans are. Just don’t inaccurately report that the only Sox fans you’ll find in this city, this country or this planet are Bridgeport residents.

Myth: All Sox fans hate the Cubs and are obsessed with them.

Fact: Although my Cub fan friends will likely argue my point, I maintain that this is absolutely not the case. Yes, there is a strong contingent of Sox fans who would love to see nothing more than Wrigley Field crumble to the ground (which it’s currently doing, even as they add more seats/revenue as we speak). But this is by no means a representation of the full population of Sox fans. I will further argue that this World Series victory will result in many Sox fans that previously held feelings of resentment and/or inadequacy in relation to the Cubs converting them to feelings of purely neutral indifference. At least let’s hope so. As the great Chris Sporer says: “The world doesn’t need haters.” Couldn’t agree more.

Myth: Jimbo’s Bar is located in Southside, Chicago.

Fact: Fox proves once again that they don’t have a clue. It’s the South Side of Chicago – Southside is not a proper name in and of itself. Yet during Game 4, every time the cameras showed the inside of Jimbo’s, complete with mulleted, mustachioed off-duty union men and trashy women who could barely lift their drunken heads off of the bar and take a drag off of their Virginia Slim, the graphic flashed up: “Jimbo’s – Southside, Chicago.” Get your facts straight, NewsCorp – and while you’re at it, try doing so at your news network.

Myth: Joe Buck is a balanced, unbiased announcer who would never resort to being smugly condescending about the two teams appearing in the World Series due to the fact that it meant less viewers for Fox and less exposure for his delicate ego.

Fact: Yeah, and the Pope is Jewish.

What’s my point in all this? I’m not quite sure – I guess since I’ve already soaked up everything there is to soak up about the players, the situations, the great moments, the unbelievable outcome, etc, I wanted to hit this from a different angle. And maybe everything has already been said that needs to be said. I love the White Sox, I love this team as much as the ’85 Bears, and I will always, always, ALWAYS remember the moments that made this the greatest baseball season of my life.

A final word to all you Cubs fans – I am convinced that your misery cannot possibly go on forever. Someday, the Cubs may win the Series – all I can say is savor it when it comes because there is honestly nothing like it in the world. Pure, unadulterated bliss.

THANK YOU WHITE SOX!