Six Random Thoughts for Monday

1. I had a chance to catch Britney and Kevin: Chaotic this past weekend. All I can say is that if I thought I had reasons to dislike her in the past, watching this poorly edited, unfunny, unintelligent mess of a program blew all the others away. A basic synopsis of the episode I was fortunate enough to see goes like this:

- The majority of the episode is shot using a video camera from Britney Spears' perspective - a Rich White Trash Broad-Cam, if you will. As a result, you constantly get the feeling that you've just staggered off of the old Cajun Cliffhanger ride at Great America.

- Britney has a ton of "hilarious" voices and faces in her repetoire. For instance, she can be normal one minute, talk like a goofy hick the next, and follow that all up by doing a pig-nose into the camera and making strange noises. The staff she has surrounded herself with are constantly in hysterics over these antics, leading me to believe that they are either a) paid extremely well to patronize her, or b) insane.

- The parts of the show that do not involve Britney making us nauseous with her camera work are actual clips from her concerts. Despite the fact that she is dancing furiously and sweating profusely, her voice is mysteriously free of any hint of exasperation, which leads me to conclude that there are millions of teeny-boppers that have duped their parents into spending $100 per ticket to go watch Britney Spears lip-synch and dance for 40 minutes. Ah, Capitalism!

- Britney likes to go around asking her staff ridiculous questions, to which they provide equally ridiculous answers. Example:

Brit: "Hey Big Black Bodyguard, what's your favorite sexual position?"

Big Black Bodyguard: "The bedroom"

Brit: "AWWWWW, that's sweet!"

- Once Britney meets Kevin Federline, they begin having sex three to five times per day, a fact that only comes to light because Britney tells everyone within earshot: "I just had sex three times - I can't get enough!" So much for saving yourself...

This was indeed a chaotic experience - one I shan't be repeating any time soon.

2. Well, the Supreme Court took a dump last week when they shot down medical marijuana. Now I’m not just saying this because I am a known reefer-head. And I’m not saying it simply because of marijuana’s proven medical benefits (although, due to its illegal status, the G has not seen fit to actually do a real in-depth study of its benefits). This is a matter of State’s Rights. If the State of California wants to let people suffering from AIDS, glaucoma and cancer get stoned because it helps ease the physical and mental anguish in their lives, why does the Government need to snuff that relief out like so many cashed bowls? For that matter, why does the Federal Government need to get involved in any way, shape or form on determining the welfare of its populace on such minor matters that are better handled by state legislatures? Don’t they have bigger fish to fry (Iraq; Social Security; medical care for its constituency) than to cling to a policy of demonization that stems from the fact that they didn’t trust Mexicans in the ‘20s? Don’t they realize that a potential marijuana lobby would line their fat ass pockets just as much as the liquor and tobacco industries already do? Hey, at least I can still get Xanax to help me ease my pain. And Valium. And Zoloft. And Oxycontin. And Paxil. And so on, and so on, and so on...

3. I saw Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith yesterday. Story line - really good. Special effects - great. Dialogue - weak. Overall - B+/A-

4. As one of the 17 people in the world who couldn't give two shits about the Red Sox playing the Cubs at Wrigley this past weekend, I must say I was impressed by the Cubs play in the first two games, despite their best efforts to give Saturday's game away. It was also impressive to see just how sheepish Boston fans became after having their team lose the first two games of the series - every Boston fan I saw yesterday seemed to fear making eye contact with anyone who looked like a local. It warmed my heart to see that. Meanwhile, up in first place, the REAL Sox are looking pretty damn good. A quick pointer to any Red Sox "fans" in Chicago: saying "Sox" = White Sox around here - deal with it.

5. If you want to watch extremely spoiled, wildly unlikeable and horribly shrill women prepare for their wedding day by berating their parents, alienating their friends, verbally abusing reception staffers and psychologically castrating their future mates, be sure to tune into Bridezillas on WE - Women's Entertainment (I live with a woman who likes to be entertained, so get the fuck off my back!) on Sunday nights.

6. And finally, I know someone, somewhere out there reads this and possibly forwards it on to others. Please note that if you would like me to put you on a mailing list so you can be updated rather than constantly having to check back, send an email with the account you wish to use to newsandnotes@hotmail.com with something in the subject line to the effect of you want to be put on a mailing list so you can be updated rather than constantly having to check back.

Until next time...